


Break Ups Don't Last When Neither Of You Can Let Go

by covacola



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drabble Collection, M/M, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Unresolved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26414809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covacola/pseuds/covacola
Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa found they just couldn't do long distance after they left high school. And yet, they just can't seem to let go either.Idk if you'd call this a toxic relationship but it definitely ain't great.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 13





	1. Pocket Dial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taken from this twitter thread

Everyone expects Tooru to be bad with break ups, and of course they're never clean, but he's used to moving forward through the hurt. Iwaizumi thought he'd be much the same when they finally decided to end things in their second year of college, finding that long distance didn't work for them.

And it's been about 4 months. It's not anywhere close to being healed for either of them, but the pain isn't so fresh. Iwaizumi figures it'll still take some time before he forgets he shouldn't take pictures of stupid alien toys or screenshot space news articles to send them to Tooru. It's not like he thinks about nothing but Shittykawa. And yet he's still outgrowing the subtle muscle memory of aligning with the intricacies of Tooru's tosses. Nothing major, no mistakes. Just the slightest off feeling of how the ball hits his palm. Little things.

They talked enough, worked through the issues enough, that there was no lingering "but maybe's" when they ended things. This was the right thing for the both of them.

And yet he found himself subconsciously filing away little presumptions. Little things he  _ didn't _ agonize over.

Things like looking up when normal daytime classes usually broke at his school. And how long between the next general class time block. Wondering how likely Tooru's practices ran the same amount of time as his. And how much longer than him Tooru was likely to stay afterwards.

5 months in and he didn't even register he'd given into the impulse, and now his phone was dialing Tooru's number.

He'd been sitting at some assorted tables on campus, a short walk to his next class in 20 minutes. It was the middle of the day. And Tooru, damn him, picked up.

Iwa was surprisingly calm, waiting a few moments after Oikawa's voice came quietly through the regular call speaker. He then he shuffled his phone across his pant leg and into his hands, answering as if he hadn't called him on purpose. "Tooru? Sorry. I guess I pocket dialed.

The conversation was a little tense, but it wasn't so forced either. "Lol, what? Really? How did that happen?"

And how he fell in so quickly, it was gut wrenching. "Hell if I know. As if you haven't butt dialed me before." Which, to be fair, Tooru hadn't. Not him, anyway.

"Ah, shit. Sorry I gotta go. Going into this stupid econ class--" and a few more hollow words.

And yet, even as he monotoned a goodbye, he filed the information away. As if there would be a next time.

  
  


7 months into their break up. How many times had he done this now, waiting almost exact minutes after Tooru's practice ended? Or rather, the 40ish minutes the coaches waited to kick him off the court after practice. He waited as the dial tone sounded, the trepidation old hat now. The old excuse. That he hadn't meant to pocket dial him. Again. But since he had him, asking how things had been.

He told himself he shouldn't be doing this. But it wasn't as if Tooru had no choice. He picked up, without fail, every time Iwa "pocket dialed" him. "Again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp. song for this chapter was pocket dial - marcus & martinus


	2. Please Don't Leave Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taken from this twitter thread

There were reasons he and Iwa had broken up. He knew it, he knew he knew it, and at this point it was walking on eggshells. And was there anyone better at it than they were. After all, they'd grown up together, grown up close. Was it any wonder they knew what not to say?

But he'd wanted this too, he wouldn't delude himself and put all the blame on Iwa. After all those months of "pocket dials," he was the one who always picked up. He knew they shouldn't. They'd talked things through. And yet--

But that was the problem. Logically, there were no "but's," "what if's" or "maybe's." Long distance didn't work for them. And maybe it was simply  _ because _ they knew each other so well, but when things got bad, things got nasty. And Iwa, of all people, knew just how nasty he could get.

  
  


People always asked him when they thought Oikawa couldn't hear them. How he could stick around someone so obnoxious. And they didn't even know the half of it. How he just talked through his nerves. How his mouth got away from him sometimes. How little filter there was with him.

But Oikawa wasn't a kid anymore. It's not like he broke under pressure and threw around insults and damage like a child throwing a tantrum. But he got so into things, and of all people, Iwaizumi knew he could never be enough for himself. He was always that annoying guy who kept chasing.

For so long-- and even now-- Iwa was the one who kept him grounded, reminded him he was only human. And it's not like Iwa doesn't have his own temper. Some think he's sparing with words, but Tooru's listened to him talk for hours about nothing and everything that mattered to them.

So he knows, better than anyone, that Iwa always knows exactly what to say to get through to him, one way or another. When you love someone, everything they say gains significance. So all his empty words speak volumes, and Iwa's words hit even harder. So in the end, it's better to not start.

  
  


Iwa had stopped "pocket dialing" him a year ago, that day. And surprise, surprise, he'd ended up getting himself blocked on Iwa's phone. But he knew it wouldn't last. He'd get a call in a few days, and they'd start all over again. At this point, what else did they know?

They knew each other better than anyone else. Of course they didn't have to say it. They knew what words meant "I'm sorry." What words meant, "I didn't mean it, even if it was true." What meant "I only say these things because I know you're the only one who can take me like this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp. song for this chapter was please don't leave me - p!nk


	3. Bye Bye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taken from this twitter thread

They had been back together for a year now. Not that either of them realized it. They'd been on again/off again for most of college-- it was difficult remembering when they'd just stopped calling it a "break up" and just shrugged whenever someone asked about them living together. They'd been living together for awhile, actually. 

Iwaizumi sipped at his "morning" coffee, pretending not to notice it was already disgustingly lukewarm. They'd been up since dawn. Officially. They hadn't really slept. Neither of them mentioned it. 

Things were okay. They hadn't fought, hadn't argued. But something was different in the way they'd slept together last night. It wasn't the clawing, adrenaline fueled angry sex. It wasn't the sensual pleasure when they mutually calmed down. Honesty? He hadn't felt anything. And by the distant look in his eyes, Tooru felt the same. They didn't have to say it. Of course they didn't. That was the whole point. 

"I'm leaving." 

Such simple words. But Iwaizumi knew what it meant. Last night had felt like a goodbye, so why didn't this feel like a last time?

He only hummed understanding. It was only then he noticced Tooru seemed to actually be getting angry. Upset, that he was being so nonchalant. To accuse him of not caring, or being too distant-- 

But that's just how he was. Of course Tooru understood that.

"You got a place to stay?" He asked idly, curious which lucky bastard was going to have Shittykawa on his couch for the next week or so before the cycle restarted. 

"I'll figure something out." Why wasn't he surprised? Why wasn't he concerned? Tooru would figure it out of course, but...

Deep down, he knew he'd come back. That was the problem. No matter how bad the fight, no matter how deep the words cut, whoever walked out always returned. Even after all this time, they were still the same. After having someone so long, it becomes unfathomable to be without.

They'd had each other for so long, they'd all but forgotten how it felt to be truly lonely. 

But this couldn't go on.

  
  


Over a month later, and Hajime still hadn't considered calling him. He'd come back. In the meantime, he was sure Tooru was getting some. At this point, jealousy was a moot point. Why bother being jealous when you knew he'd come home, even if things weren't working anyway?

But even as he pressed himself closer to someone else, he knew. It wasn't exact, but his feelings for this stranger were close enough.

He didn't want to see Tooru again. Didn't want to feel his lips again. Didn't want to keep trying to love Tooru because it wasn't working. 

And yet, even as he slipped out of bed in the early hours. Even as he showered, paid for the hotel room as he left. Even as he went about his Tooru-less life, he kept checking his phone. 

It wasn't working. It should have been over years ago. But he couldn't say goodbye.

And neither, apparently, could  _ he _ . As he pulled it out, his phone buzzed. 

He picked up, tone neutral. They decided to meet for coffee that morning.

  
  


Tooru was still beautiful, bathed in morning sunlight across from him in this small cafe. He didn't have to explain anything. Neither did Tooru. They just talked, if a little haltingly. 

They used to come here all the time back when they first moved in. They talked about how the place had changed, and talk of change always led down a nostalgic rabbit hole. The two of them had a lot of nostalgia to talk about. Iwa surprisingly found himself a little choked up. It hadn't all been bad. Not all of it.

But they couldn't keep doing this. But he couldn't let go, either. He couldn't even imagine what he'd do if Tooru suddenly could, if he did.

This wasn't love. This was just going through the motions. Neither of them deserved it. Neither of them wanted it for the other. And yet..

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa began, breaking the lull in their conversation, "we should end this. Now, before it gets any harder," and then, a pause. "And it'll only get harder..." And yet he sounded as though he didn't mean it. Iwaizumi knew he didn't really mean it. Not really. Not truly

"I don't even really think of you anymore."

It was true, but it was also a lie.

"We basically just have sex, and I don't want us to be just that."

It was true, and yet it wasn't. But he agreed. 

"I don't want to keep doing this."

His tone wasn't even upset, and neither was he.

  
  


They talked things through. Of course they did. They weren't bickering children. It was all redundant, they'd even said all this before, way back when they'd first broken up. Some things were different, but mostly they'd just burned out. 

And yet, as Oikawa walked away, he knew.

He knew he wasn't the only one who had been dishonest when he'd said this was goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp. song for this chapter was bye bye - gryffin


End file.
